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For Megyal: "Thirty"
Originally posted by kakairuff_mod at For Megyal: "Thirty"
Title: Thirty
Gifter: bgreenwivy
Recipient: megyal
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which a closet pervert becomes a taken one.
Word Count: 2600
Gifter's Notes: This was written for someone I greatly respect. It didn’t come out porny at all but hopefully you enjoy it. Thank you to A-Hime for your beta help and patience.
**Mod Notes:** Warnings for embarrassment squick: [Spoiler (click to open)]Public jerking off.


The age where things start to happen a new beginning, a step closer to old age and a milestone most ninja never saw. One Umino Iruka, however, was in the home stretch. Thirty was just six months down the line. Iruka had pulled out a time capsule he had made when he was fifteen. In it were pictures he hadn’t seen in so long it took precious time for him to even recall where they were from or even who had taken them. There were notes to himself and diary entries detailing who he should and should not be friends with; secrets that Iruka had put out of his mind but now lay bare as he made the long forgotten connections between things he had known and done at fifteen and the way things stood now.

Turning the box over when he thought he had emptied it completely caused a tiny slip of paper to fall out. Folded down into fourths, Iruka could only begin to wonder if it was some type of receipt. He unfolded the letter, breathing in sharply as he read the title. “30 things to do before 30,” the heading read. Looking over the list, Iruka found himself mentally checking things off and smiling at the memories of each item. There were only two items out of thirty left and Iruka couldn’t help but feel proud. Even after completely forgetting about the list, he still had managed to, “Forgive the unforgiveable”, “Make more friends”, “eat ramen until he passed out”, and “beat the Hokage in shoji” among others.

The remaining two items on the list were not things Iruka remembered writing, especially since they seemed preposterous. Thinking about it now, Iruka began to examine the paper for any signs of forgery. Setting it down, he performed the preliminary jutsus to test for fakes and foreign chakra signatures but nothing was amiss.

Looking out his window Iruka noted what time it was. He technically could accomplish one of the last tasks without too much trouble. All he had to do was hide in a closet in the jounin lounge and ‘spy’ on them.

In his youth he had been obsessed, in a small way, in proving that he had at least some skills on par with the elites. Iruka no longer held that same obsession. He was comfortable with himself, for the most part, but maybe he would find out something interesting while he was in the Hokage tower. Information was power and Iruka was not above a little bribery/blackmail when necessary. He wasn’t a feared and respected desk worker for nothing.

It was remarkably easy for Iruka to get into the jounin lounge closet. It wasn’t really a closet so much as a tuck away spot for things that were no longer needed and long forgotten. After about a half hour of hiding, masking his chakra and his scent, Iruka grew bored. It was during his moment of boredom that a forbidden thought came to him.

Iruka recalled rumors of notches carved into the Hokage’s desk, each one from adventurous ninja couples who had coupled on that very spot. He also remembered the distinct scent of sex in the air when passing by certain areas of the Hokage Tower, but he had yet to catch anyone in the act. Few people would actually believe him capable of something like this and in a way that made Iruka feel like a rush he hadn’t felt since his younger prankster days. No one was around but it was getting him a little excited about the prospect of getting caught.

Making another quick check of the lounge and finding no one visually, Iruka opened his mouth and let out a high pitch noise that was similar to echolocation. When it didn’t return any chakra presences that were nearby, Iruka took a deep breath before unzipping his pants. Running his hands across the top of his sensitive cock head, Iruka teased the tip before stroking down to his balls. Iruka gasped lightly enjoying the tingle that his unexpected actions in a forbidden location were causing him.

Closing his eyes Iruka let his mind wander. Unbidden images of a certain Copy Nin, Iruka’s long time crush, began to form.

Most people would compare Hatake Kakashi to a cat but Iruka knew differently. A cat had a mind of its own and was more solitary. Kakashi for all of his anti social tendencies had a pack mentality. He cared for every person that entered his circle whether he showed it or not. Getting into that circle was a difficult feat but everyone who made it stayed for life. Iruka wanted to be in that circle but he wanted to be in a more intimate circle.

One fantasy in particular always gave Iruka an instant hard on. Currently it served as a trigger for Iruka’s balls to tingle pleasantly. Images of Kakashi training, sweat sliding over sinewy muscles of his arms. Imagining him shirtless and sweaty on his knees on the forest floor, pants pull down just past his ass. Biting his lip Iruka groaned stroking himself faster. Opening his eyes Iruka peaked through the slit in the door, registering Kakashi’s sharingan eye studying the closet door.

“Kakashi!” Iruka moaned before his mind caught up with him. Iruka swore, his cock throbbing uncontrollably as he orgasmed. Jumping up Iruka opened the vent over his head and started to go through the vent. The closet door slammed opened. Sense came back to Iruka in time for Iruka to realize that he should have just used a jutsu. Quickly putting his hands together Iruka shushinned away.

Landing on his bed Iruka groaned. A faint crinkle of paper greeted him. Reaching behind his head Iruka pulled out the list. Mentally checking off the twenty ninth item, Iruka went to the bathroom and cleaned up before going to bed. Trying to clear his head Iruka tried to think if there was any way he could be traced. Wincing, Iruka sighed. He had left evidence.

“Someone just came moaning my name.” Kakashi blinked dazedly before the scent hit him and made his whole body twitch. The rich smell found its way further down Kakashi’s nasal passage and sat in the back of his throat. He could practically taste it. Feeling a rush that may have had nothing to do with the sharingan leaching his chakra, Kakashi covered his eye with some regret that he wouldn’t be able to find the source and have a talk with them at present time. Kakashi had a mission that he was going to be even later than usual for.

For a week after the fateful incident in the closet, Iruka tried to come up with a reasonable explanation of why he had been in there. He knew from checking the mission room logs that Kakashi had taken a B-rank mission. He wasn’t expected to be back for almost two weeks. Iruka had until then to come up with a way out of his problem. He couldn’t talk to anyone about his predicament. How would he even explain it? Other than trying to get a mission and avoiding Kakashi for the rest of his life Iruka knew he was going to have to face this head on.

Deciding that if he was going to be killed he might as well go the whole way. Even if Kakashi had only seen his lower half, Iruka hadn’t been celibate and knew that the gossip wheel would eventually help Kakashi discover his identity. Blushing hotly Iruka knew that his scent may give him away as well if that wasn’t the first thing he was found for.

“Iruka I don’t know what you did to Kakashi but I do not want to be in your shoes when he finds you.” Raidou was smiling at Iruka over his drink. “I mean honestly you have the man inquiring about a certain scar near a certain part of your anatomy. I am convinced he is going to start giving out measurements next.”

“I appreciate you not ratting on me.” Iruka sighed swallowing his alcohol happily. It was pure happenstance that Raidou had found Iruka slumped at a table at the local ninja dive bar contemplating a bottle of alcohol and letting his life flash slowly through his eyes.

“Oh don’t thank me. It will only take a while for him to finish canvassing the jounin for likely candidates before he moves on to chunnin.” Raidou laughed when Iruka banged his head on his table. Glancing over he nodded a hello at Gai who had walked in and spotted them. Gai merely raised an eyebrow before heading off to get a drink.

“What am I going to do?”

“Better yet what did you do?” Leaning forward Raidou regarded Iruka with blatant curiosity. “You aren’t a kiss and tell guy. I have my doubts if you would sleep with Kakashi without putting a ring on him if only because you won’t do fuck buddies.”

Sitting up Iruka could only stare at Raidou. “You and I were fuck buddies.”

“No we were friends with benefits. Lots of benefits and we both knew that the other was holding out for someone else which made it easy to stay friends.” Raidou retorted.

“Okay so maybe I have been hung up on Kakashi for awhile.” Iruka leaned back in his chair feeling a bit uncomfortable now in his civilian clothes.

“You think?” Raidou raised his eyebrow before looking over Iruka’s shoulder and smothering a swear. “Incoming Genma and the devil himself.”

Paling slightly, Iruka performed what he thought of as a tactical maneuver and moved to the chair next to Raidou, hoping to take himself out of scent range of Kakashi. Raidou, understanding Iruka’s reason for moving, began to laugh.

“You keeping funny company to yourself babe?” Genma twitched his senbon at Iruka before sitting on Raidou’s lap and kissing him on the neck.

Iruka wisely moved his chair back around the table and Genma gave him a cagey smile.

“Genma, you know Iruka and I are friends now, right?” Raidou sighed before shifting Genma into a chair next to him. Kakashi had slouched next to Iruka and was studying him intently.

“Without benefits.” Genma responded, clicking his senbon to his teeth and Raidou froze.

Eyes narrowing, Raidou glared at Genma, “Were you spying on me?”

“I am a former playboy turned possessive ninja. I have trust issues, occasionally.” Genma shrugged unapologetically. “If you hadn’t gotten such an interesting expression on your face when we were talking about someone with a scar over their hip I wouldn’t have been tempted to find out what you knew.”

“Jealous much?” Iruka grumbled shifting away from Kakashi’s leaning presence.

“Don’t you have your own problems, sensei?” Genma gave Iruka a glance before turning back to Raidou who had turned several interesting shades of color during their conversation.

“Sensei, let’s talk,” Kakashi finally chimed in giving Iruka a closed eye smile. Iruka, not know what else to do, broke the laws of ninja physics by pulling off a Kawarimi with a startled Gai.

“Rival!” Gai squawked.

“Gai, if you say one word about a challenge or youth I will tell everyone exactly what youthful things happen in the TI department after hours.” Kakashi growled before running after the rapidly fleeing chuunin.

Two hours later Iruka had to give it to Kakashi. The man was determined. Currently deep in the forest surrounding Konoha, Iruka was starting to regret not taking the talk option when it was offered. At this point Iruka was down to one shadow clone running interference, seven traps, four chakra restraint tags and a questionable tag that Iruka had confiscated from a student.

Suddenly every hair on the back of Iruka’s neck stood up. Diving to the side, Iruka narrowly avoided a set of kunai linked by ninja wire. He knew that he would likely be maimed if he didn’t start talking or come up with some way to overpower Kakashi.

Iruka threw the questionable tag attached to a kunai and swore when it exploded in a pink and white fog of powder. Hearing a crash behind him, Iruka went to look and found his shadow clone sitting on top of Kakashi with rope tied around Kakashi’s wrists. Residual powder was on Kakashi’s hands and toes. Iruka’s clone was covered in the powder and licking Kakashi’s face while attempting to get him out of his clothes.

“Stop that!” Iruka bellowed before recognizing the powdery substance. “I’m going to kill that brat!” Despite his skyrocketing blood pressure, he knew he would have to figure out how his student got their hands on an aphrodisiac tag.

“Sensei…” While Iruka had been distracted his clone had managed to get Kakashi’s shirt up and was currently licking his nipples.

“Uhmmm Kakashi san well I…” Iruka trailed off. His clone was currently following the lines of Kakashi’s abdominal muscles with his tongue. Viewed from an outside perspective Iruka had to give himself credit for his oral skills.

“If we’re going to do this I would prefer to be with the real one and have use of my hands.” Kakashi panted and Iruka blushed before gaping.

Clone Iruka was not deterred in the least and was making headway with getting Kakashi out of his pants.

“I uhmmm well you and…” Words failing Iruka twitched when his clone had managed to get his mouth on a very nice erection. “You don’t know what you’re saying!”

“Damnit no means no!” Iruka threw a kunai at his clone self before diving out of the way of his clone’s returning of his kunai.

“To be fair I didn’t say no, just stating a preference.” Kakashi panted out.

Feeling a spike of jealousy towards his clone Iruka marched over to Kakashi’s currently spread eagle figure. Looking at his clone Iruka grumbled. “Is it sad that I am jealous of my own clone?”

Deciding to be slightly magnanimous Iruka allowed his clone his fun. A wicked idea started to form. Not wanting to lose his nerve- or worse, the opportunity in front of him- Iruka kneeled near Kakashi’s body. Blowing a stream of air across the skin his clone had previously licked, Iruka smiled at the twitches of Kakashi’s body.

“Well don’t be shy…” Kakashi groaned.

“I’ll buy you dinner first next time.” Iruka promised and blushed, his hands finding their way to Kakashi’s nipples.

“Oh good, I don’t have to hunt you down.” Kakashi whimpered.

Afterwards, when Iruka’s clone finally dispelled, Iruka blushed to his toes when Kakashi sniffed him.

“What are you doing?” Iruka shrieked attempting to hop up but failing because he hadn’t done up his pants yet.

“I just wanted to confirm I got the right person.” Kakashi grinned in satisfaction.

“You just had me in your mouth and you didn’t confirm it then?” Iruka was skeptical.

Shrugging, Kakashi gave a wolfish smile before pulling up his mask which had been tugged off while he had been doing other things. “I swallowed.”

“Yes I am aware.” Iruka scratched his nose. “Would you like to go get something to eat?”

“As in a date?” Kakashi asked thoughtfully setting his uniform to rights.

“Only if you want to.” Iruka straightened himself up not looking at Kakashi.

“Certainly, I can’t have you hiding in closets without me.” Kakashi quipped and dodged Iruka’s attempt at swatting him.


A single light shone in Iruka’s bedroom. Iruka himself was sitting up in bed staring at the list that had started it all. Being a day away from thirty now and having completed everything just was the icing on the cake. Number thirty on the list had been the long shot of his entire list but it was the one that had been filled seemingly the easiest.

30. Fall in love and have that person love you back.