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The Last Time Something Like This Happened...
Fandom:  Harry Potter
Title:  The Last Time Something Like this Happened...
Author:  Bgreenwivy
Rating:  PG 13 right now possible R later
Genre:  Romance/Humor/Drama
Disclaimer:  I do not own Harry Potter, make any money from this and no copyright or trademark infringement was intended.
Summary:  Now that wizarding laws have changed to accept gay marriage, Harry and Draco are suppose to be getting married.  Or so they thought.  Now with an unexpected occurence an old law comes into effect that can effect their happiness or add to it.

I do not own Harry Potter.

This is a pet project I have been working on for a while.

Single moments changed Neville’s life. It had taken but a single moment for the Dark Lord to wipe out his entire family. One moment had been the difference between victory and defeat at the final battle. His act of killing Nagini had been but a second of determination, killing Bellatrix, a moment of intense hatred. Neville did not remember saving Harry or Draco but one moment they had both been about to die and the next had seen Harry killing Voldemort while Draco defended him. After the war had ended, Neville had taken himself to his family estate to try to put it all back together.

When Neville had first arrived home, he summoned all his house elves. He was stunned to find that he had over a hundred spanning the three estates he had in Great Britain. Setting himself up in his study, he called the house elves in one by one to determine what their skills were and what they did the best. To his shock and amusement, nine were solely for the Longbottom children; eleven were for the older generations, twenty- one maintained the grounds, nine took care of the first level of the homes, ten took care of the second level. The other forty served as cooks, librarians and other things. Neville even found out he possessed elves that were battle trained.

Neville then began reworking the wards for all his properties. One in particular he wanted to remain hidden at all costs. The Longbottom stronghold in England had withstood centuries of invasion attempts and even Voldemort with ease. His family would all have still been alive if his grandmother had simply acknowledged him as the next heir and moved into the stronghold.

The home he currently resided in was his business home, tucked in an isolated corner of Ireland. Surrounded by his gardens the house was a two story sprawling castle. The sides crawled with ivy and other clingy vines. Some were benign standard ivy but some would bind unwanted intruders to the house until the head of the family released them. On his properties border Neville had planted plants that were deadly when necessary. The elves made sure that the plants would turn on any unwanted intruders.

Neville started to feel ill the second month into organizing his family homes. The elves had looked at him with approval and Neville had been slightly worried. The urging of his business partner and mentor Professor Sprout had caused him to seek medical help.

“Well Mr. Longbottom it looks like you are pregnant with twins.” Mediwizard Zorach declared smiling at Neville. Neville promptly slid to the floor from his chair.

“I’m still a virgin.” Neville blurted alarmed by Zorach’s statement.

Zorach blinked at Neville briefly before standing and looking out the window.

“What are you looking for?” Neville demanded flustered by his Mediwizard’s reaction.

“I am sorry Mr. Longbottom but last time something like this happened…” Zorach trailed off still looking out the window mumbling something about a star in the sky.

“You were raised by Muggles I take it.” Neville chuckled catching on to Zorach’s train of thought.

“Yes well this is a bit of a change on things isn’t it?” Zorach retorted regaining his seat. Mediwizard Zorach eyed Neville, who he had known since he was a little boy. Neville had grown from a pudgy clumsy adolescent to a quietly in charge stocky man. Neville stood 6’3 with muscles hardened from his war activities and gardening. “We can do a paternity test that will show us the face of the father.”

“Alright, but can we get a witness to this? I sort of want someone else here just in case what we see is a little over our heads.” Neville joked lying down on the examination table while Zorach snorted with laughter. “It is funny though I wished for a family and here it is.” Neville petted his stomach fondly. “Granted I imagine all the work I did to loose my childhood pudginess will be for nothing now.”

“You know your wish could be the reason this happened and with your frame you should have no problem carrying the twins to term.” Zorach commented easily before sticking his head out the door and calling for his new assistant to come and observe. Once the spell was cast, two faces materialized over Neville stomach. Neville gasped, the assistant screamed excitedly and Zorach swore.

“It looks as though Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are about to be fathers.” Zorach spoke in awe. The assistant ran out of the room yelling for all to hear, while Zorach blinked after him.

“This is going to make it into the papers isn’t it?” Neville spoke calmly as he listened to the assistant’s shouting.

“As much as I would like to assure you otherwise…” Zorach sat on his desk contemplating the floor tiles. “My assistant is the Minister of Magic’s nephew or I would have hexed him to hell by now.”

“It happens.” Neville stood, pulling down and straightening his shirt. “Even though I think I am going to have you visit me for my check-ups if that’s alright.”

“Of course, Neville, under the circumstances it seems best.” Zorach nodded before handing Neville a bunch of vials with dates and instructions. “Take these when the bottles say. Knowing your forgetful nature well, the bottles have a charm imbedded. If you are late taking a dose the bottles will come and find you.”

“Thank you.” Neville responded humbly. “I do tend to be forgetful even though I am older now. Back to what you said earlier, what did you mean about how this happened?” Neville waved at his stomach.

“You saved the lives of both Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy, am I correct?” Zorach asked. Neville nodded. “When you did that you created a bond with the two. They were bound to give you anything your heart desired because they effectively owed you their lives. That being said when you wished for a family…”

“I got what I asked for.” Neville grimaced and nodded at the Mediwizard as he took his leave. Sitting in his study later Neville attempted to start writing a letter to the two fathers. Glancing around the room and procrastinating he noticed the Prophet sitting neatly on his side table. Scanning the headline, he blinked rapidly. “WIZARDING HEROES TO TIE THE KNOT”. Sinking into the chair, he began to read.

Following the passing of the Great Wizarding Family and Marriage Law Wednesday, the Great Harry Potter has announced his eminent marriage to Lord Draco Malfoy. It is likely to be the wedding of the century. They are the first in a long line of same sex and polyamorous couples heading to the altar.

Neville dropped the paper and sighed. Looking at the pile of crumpled papers thrown about he decided to go to bed. “Maybe it will be better tomorrow.”

“What the…” Neville groaned as he felt different magic signatures bouncing around outside his secondary wards. Rolling out of his bed, Neville padded to his window and peaked out. What he saw made him turn around, climb back into his four-poster bed and pull the covers over his head.

When Neville had peeked out of the window, he had witnessed his elves and plants ferociously defending his home. He had also witnessed all three Malfoys, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Professors Snape and McGonagall fighting for entrance and by all accounts failing miserably. The thought gave Neville a brief sense of satisfaction before despair kicked in and Neville retreated to pretend it never happened.

“Neville may I come in?” A voice called through the floo. Neville sighed but dropped the wards so that Professor Sprout could come through. “You are going to have to face them sometime.” She commented wirily looking out his window and smiling as a Venus mantrap bit Snape on the ass. “Congratulations Neville it looks as though the Venus Mantrap just took a chunk out of Professor Snape.”

“I know…” Neville mumbled into his pillow before snorting with amusement. “I had a devil of a time training it to go for non lethal body parts. What did the headline in the paper say?”

“I don’t think you should hear that until you have eaten a fortifying breakfast.” Sprout scolded and jumped onto a chair when a bottle flew past her feet. The bottle smacked itself lightly against Neville’s head to get his attention. Sitting up, he grabbed the bottle and marched into his closet to change.

“Nut, please make a big breakfast, capture the intruders and put them in the room with breakfast.” Neville called his steward elf.

“Great idea, dear.” Professor Sprout called as Armoire, Neville’s bedroom elf, escorted her down.

“Calm down bottle, I’ll take you in a minute.” Neville sighed at the bottle of medicine. “You know as much as I wanted a family…” Neville paused as he set the bottle down to pull on a dress shirt. “I guess as far as power and family name is concerned I couldn’t ask for better sperm donors but could I at least have gotten love out of the deal.” Neville sniffed as he pulled on his pants. Picking up the bottle again, he marched downstairs to face his problems.

“I can’t believe it…” Harry mused thoughtfully, his hand firmly clenched in the grasp of Draco.

“Yes, Longbottom of all people.” Draco drawled before delicately shuddering even though secretly thoughts of the tall gardener sent slight shudders down his spine.

“What a horrible thing to say.” Professor McGonagall scolded even though she was curious as well. Hermione agreed before she spoke, slapping Ron’s hand away from the food that appeared on the table.

“Granted I am not surprised, Neville did save you both countless times. Most of the time without either of you knowing he was there.” Hermione added the last as an undertone.

“I was constantly surprised at Longbottom’s propensity to be in the wrong place at the right time.” Snape conceded before the doors opened revealing Neville in an untucked crisp white shirt and black pants.

“Sorry I forgot which one is the breakfast room.” Neville commented slightly embarrassed as he entered and sat at the head of the table. Placing the bottle beside his plate, he smiled at the shocked faces surrounding him. “Please eat.”

“If you say so.” Ron retorted shaking his napkin out with a flourish and tucking in. Neville smiled eating a little before downing the bottle of medicine. His round face turned crimson, while his dark eyes shimmered slightly with tears.

“Yuck!” Neville coughed the bitter taste causing him to gag. Sitting next to him Ron gave him an overly enthusiastic slap on the back causing Neville’s stomach to smack into the table as well.

“Weasley!” Draco hissed down the table and Harry glared at his best mate. Neville simply smiled a thank you , gave his tummy a fond pat and began to methodically eat his food.

“He’s fine.” Ron defended waving a Neville’s apparent disregard for what had just happened.

“Why exactly did we get seated like this anyway?” Harry asked taking in the seeming oddity of the table seating arrangements for the first time.

“Status…” Draco lectured. “Father sits at the head of the table opposite Longbottom because he is a recognized head of his family. Mother sits to his left to show their marriage, Professor Snape to the right because he is the head of his family though not a recognized one. Professor McGonagall is Snape’s equal by rank and recognition so she sits on his right. Next is me beside mother because I am their heir, and then you because we are engaged. On the other side it is the same in reverse. Weasley who is considered a representative of his family on Longbottom’s left because they are familiar, Weasely’s companion, Granger next to him as his guest. Professor Sprout serves as the hostess here signified by her seating on Neville’s right.”

“Are all pureblooded seating arrangements this complicated?” Harry asked more than a little anxious, frown lines appearing between his eyebrows.

“Not always but when house elves are involved they tend to like to make it proper.” Neville grimaced understanding Harry’s anxiety.

“I hope you are paying them.” Hermione huffed primly deciding to jump into the conversation.

“Hermione if you were stupid enough to mention getting paid to one of my older elves I would be hard pressed to figure out where they hid your body.” Neville snapped irritated by her attitude.

“Yikes, mate hormones got you already.” Ron gaped pausing with his fork halfway to his mouth.

“Don’t start.” Neville growled. He felt Professor Sprout pat his hand reassuringly as she addressed everyone else.

“Neville is under enough stress as it is without worrying about House elves rights.” Professor gave Hermione a reproachful look before continuing. “Taking care of his plant business, running his estates, studying to become an Herbology Master and taking care of himself is driving him slightly spare so I beg his pardon if he is a tad bit grouchy but wouldn’t you be?”

“I guess you have a point.” Ron agreed.

“You are carrying two babies you can’t do all that by yourself.” Hermione pointed out practically albeit huffily.

“I agree with Granger you need help.” Draco nodded sagely looking at his father from the corner of his eye.

“I am quite alright thank you.” Neville retorted becoming slightly alarmed. “I have not begun my Herbology apprenticeship yet, I can hire people to assist with the business and the estate runs itself so…”

“Neville you are still forgetful and clumsy.” Harry pointed out.

“I can’t imagine pregnancy will help either of those.” Narcissa added studying Neville calmly before nodding at Lucius.

“My Mediwizard spelled the potions bottles to come find me when I have to take them and they are spelled to be unbreakable.” Neville explained slightly exasperated.

“But you aren’t spelled to be unbreakable.” Professor McGonagall countered.

“I have been told he bounces very well.” Professor Snape drawled sipping the strawberry juice he had finally finished checking for poison. Snape shifted slightly trying to relieve some of the pressure on his wounded behind.

“Yes well…” Neville trailed off.

“I think it would be a good idea for you to move in with Draco and Harry.” Hermione thought aloud. “That way they could be involved with the babies and help you too.”

“It sounds reasonable.” Professor McGonagall nodded.

“No way in hell.” Neville swore turning slightly purple in his sudden fury.

“Neville you know how to swear.” Ron commented stopping once again, his fork in the air.

“Yes I know how to swear. No I do not do it often.” Neville supplied before turning his attention back to the meddling group in front of him. “I will concede that I do live a little far out of reach for Harry and Draco to visit often but I do not intend on letting either intrude on my privacy. Nor would I want to intrude on theirs unnecessarily.”

“You wouldn’t.” Harry argued and Draco nodded in agreement.

“Well you would intrude on mine if I happened to have company.” Neville retorted rubbing his suddenly upset stomach.

“Your friends could visit.” Harry offered.

Neville blushed slightly and Ron spoke up. “I don’t think he meant that type of friend.” Silence reigned following Ron’s observation.

“Now we get down to the real business.” Lucius spoke for the first time. “I am sure you have been reading up on the laws about this sort of situation.” Lucius cast an appraising look at Neville who blinked at him shortly before speaking.

“I just started reading up on it actually.” Neville responded gulping. “I do not think all of that is necessary.

“Oh but it is.” Lucius disagreed continuing before Neville could object. “For these children to be recognized members of the wizarding community they must be registered under both families’ trees. If they show up in one but not the other they lose status and the ability to be heirs.”

“Where the heck did all that come from?” Ron stage whispered to Hermione.

“When wizard debts were more common it was decided, in order to maintain unity within the wizarding society, that children born of wizarding debts must be registered on each family tree.” Hermione explained. “This was to ensure no surprise heirs. If a child is only registered on one tree, they are not considered wizards. They can’t be treated at St. Mungo’s or go to school.”

“Often in order to gain more favor or an advantage over another family the sperm donating side of the family makes demands to regain some of the footing they may feel is lost from an inferior match.” Neville continued bitterly. “So Malfoy Senior, what is the price going to be for my children to be put on your tree?”

“You are to marry Draco.” Lucius retorted evenly.

“I am marrying Harry!” Draco sputtered and Harry raised an eyebrow.

“And Longbottom,” Lucius added his gaze resting solely on Neville.

“All right then.” Draco conceded.

“Yes well that law that just passed makes life simple.” Snape explained. “One of the rules put into the law is that each coupling must produce a child within a specified time frame. Marrying Longbottom essentially clears you both of the need to bear children.”

“I refuse.” Neville spoke rising to his feet shakily, “Feel free to finish your meal and my elves will see you out.”

“Neville be reasonable.” Hermione scolded. Neville hexed Hermione’s mouth shut and walked away.

“Well that went better than I expected.” Professor Snape commented nibbling on a piece of bacon. Harry and Draco glared at him while Professor McGonagall tried to counter the hex on Hermione.

“I can’t believe I am going to say this but Neville’s hex doesn’t seem to respond to any spell I know. Any ideas, Severus?” Professor McGonagall asked looking a Snape inquiringly.

Snape studied Hermione for a minute before going back to his bacon. “Enjoy the quiet Minerva; it surely won’t last, unless Longbottom’s pregnancy improves his cursing.”

Chapter 2

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This is really interesting ... and different. I'm really glad to see someone treating Neville with some respect. Great work.

Harry/Draco/Neville? Not something I would have picked normally but I'm curious. Still not sure I like the pairing though. No offense. Just I definitely want more!

This had some great lines:

“Neville you are still forgetful and clumsy.” Harry pointed out. “I can’t imagine pregnancy will help either of those.” Narcissa added

Ain't that the truth.

Professor Snape drawled sipping the strawberry juice he had finally finished checking for poison.

Old habits die hard:)

Interesting premise. Will await next installment eagerly.

Nicely humorous - liked the Xmas bit!! (Harry, Draco & Lucius, the 3 Kings??) Looking forward to where this is going - different and interesting!

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