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The Lady Scarecrow and his Dolphin- Part 1
Title: The Lady Scarecrow and his Dolphin
Author: B (bgreenwivy or me) and the lovely Dannie
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Humor, Romance, Not canon compliant and based in the future at some point in the ninja verse.
Summary: Kakashi has more beauty rituals than most women and Iruka has no problem admiring the results or even just the process.
Prompt/Request: I would love to see if someone could write an in character Kakashi that was quite effeminate when he's not on missions or maintaining his aloof-I-don't-care attitude.

Stuff like; maybe Kakashi cuts, files and paints his finger nails (clear polish obviously so its not obvious to others) but he does it himself and he's really good at it. (maybe he's even given Sakura a manicure sometime) He could spend hours in the bath with scented soaps and such. Maybe he has a set of skin care products and moisturizer. Maybe he has a collection of plushie dogs including names for them all. (My brain is dead so I can't think of anything else right now =3=

I'd love to see how a relationship between Iruka (who would be the 'man' of the relationship) and this effeminate Kakashi. No crack please though, I do appreciate the genre but it does make me cringe sometimes and would like to see this with a tone of seriousness to it. Maybe they get together and Iruka didn't sign on for an effeminate guy? Maybe Kakashi had difficulty letting Iruka in? I don't know thats what the writer is for. Just something fun with fluff but maybe a little suffering somewhere?

ps. I would love it if you could slip in a protective Genma who knows about Kakashi's ways and is close to Kakashi; letting the man babble to him about stuff etc.

Author Notes: First off no this isn't a genderswap. This is pure fun written for the aforementioned prompt at the kink meme. This is written in an rp format so there may be some odd tense switches here and there but we tried to keep it all formatted correctly.

In the world of Umino Iruka it paid to be both observant and discrete. It was a little know fact that Iruka made it a point to subtly check the health of every single person who turned in their reports. Any visible sign of extreme stress, blood loss or depression was noted. Chakra levels were discretely monitored while emotional state was probed. Sometimes the probing was in the form of polite inquiry, or humorous rapor other times it was tested by sheer volume of Iruka’s bellowing.

Being what he affectionately thought of as a by choice lifetime chunnin had its perks. Iruka was respected and humored more often than not when he made suggestions, gave out bribes or outright demanded something. The one glaring exception seemed to come from the glorious barb in his side, Hatake Kakashi.

It was at once Iruka’s pleasure and pain to deal with the silver haired jounin. Pleasure because Iruka could be in the same room with him and steal admiring glances. Pain because the man could incite his temper and knew how to do it to. Iruka swore that he would one day take the man over his knee and spank him if not for the fact that, Iruka may not get that far. Kakashi wasn’t a jounin by reputation but by fact.

The jounin in question dropped a report off at Iruka’s desk without even glancing up from his brightly-colored book. It had been a relatively simple mission, only lasting about a week due to the distance he had to travel, and Kakashi was glad to be home. He felt disgusting, and only really wanted a long bath and then perhaps some pampering afterward. Last he’d heard, Sakura didn’t have anything planned…

Good. It was settled, then. After he was done being scrutinized by Umino Iruka and declared healthy enough to pass the chuunin’s examination, he’d drop by Sakura’s and then they’d head back to his place for dinner and then some teacher-student time. After his bath, of course… and hopefully Gai wouldn’t spot them in the street and demand that Kakashi go against him in some random challenge that usually didn’t even require any skill.

“Good afternoon, Iruka-san,” he said after a long moment, deciding that he’d rather get it over with quickly. “I hope the report is all right? I’d really like to get going.”

For a moment, Iruka was caught like a deer in the headlights. Sure Kakashi smelled god awful. Looking at the report and studying it for a moment, Iruka put his hands together and performed a genjutsu release.


When nothing happened Iruka just stared at the report for another couple of moments. He couldn’t honestly remember ever getting a report from Kakashi on time and well written on the first try. Realizing that he may be taking it a little too far with his disbelief. Iruka coughed and blushed a bit sheepishly before reading over and stamping the report.

“Everything is in order Kakashi san. Thank you for your hard work.” Rubbing his scar, Iruka smiled at Kakashi. “Have a good evening.” In the back of his mind, Iruka was making plans to stalk Kakashi. This was either a sign that Kakashi was going to suffer a mental break or the sign of the apocalypse he was sure. Or an intruder had managed to infiltrate the village and pose as Kakashi. Yep that had to be it. This called for investigation and some very discrete favor pulling to figure out what may be going on.

“You, too, Iruka-san,” Kakashi said, smiling behind his mask. Perfect. It had taken no time at all to get all of that over with, and though he was a little sad that he wasn’t going to push the chuunin’s buttons to unleash his temper, Kakashi raised two fingers to his forehead in a salute and poofed out of sight. Once he reappeared outside of the mission office, the jounin put away his book and his smile become more genuine as he stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way toward the home of one Haruno Sakura, his only female student and the only one of her age group to know his little secret. Well, one of the very few who knew at all, even without regarding age.

It took only a few minutes for the Copy-Nin to reach Sakura’s house and knock on the door, greeting her mother cheerfully and apologizing for his appearance. The woman, far too used to her daughter’s sensei appearing on their doorstep in various states of after-mission-filth, just called for Sakura and told her to hurry.

Of course, Sakura didn’t usually dawdle anyway, but Kakashi was really looking forward to that long bath.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Kakashi-sensei. How was the mission?” the teenage girl asked, closing her front door behind her and shouldering a backpack.

“Dirty and tiring,” her teacher sighed, shaking his head. “You feel like cooking dinner tonight? I’m going to hop in the bath once we get home.”

“Of course! I know just the thing!”

Normally, this was the part where Kakashi would chuckle and loop his arm around his student’s shoulders, saying something along the lines of ‘Where would I be without you?’, but this time, he just nudged her with his elbow and grinned down at her, knowing he was far too filthy and stinky to try much more contact. The duo walked down the street toward Kakashi’s apartment in comfortable silence, only broken when Sakura decided to ask more about the details of the mission… or at least what Kakashi was allowed to tell her.

Thanking his lucky stars that his shift had almost been over when Kakashi turned in his report, Iruka quickly exited the Hokage Tower. Through careful snooping and digging into personnel files, Iruka knew where Kakashi lived. It also just happened that Iruka had friends who lived in the same building. Something that Iruka was thankful for if only because it gave him an alibi or a reason to be around.

Contemplating the apartment buildings structure and where he knew Kakashi’s apartment was Iruka sent out a brief pulse of chakra. One of the mini tricks his darling students had forced him to acquire in order to always be able to track them down. Not sensing anyone in the immediate vicinity Iruka hid himself at a distance from the building itself but just close enough to see the entrance and windows.
Seeing Kakashi and Sakura approaching, Iruka tilted his head in confusion. He wasn’t aware that Kakashi was really close with Sakura. A fine thread of fear went through Iruka’s being. Kakashi couldn’t be taking advantage of her could he? Forcing his nerves to calm down some, Iruka got into position to observe the happenings. Mentally cursing himself for not bringing in of the standard stakeout equipment, Iruka let chakra go to his ears so he could try to pick up what Sakura and Kakashi were talking about.

“Your mom really doesn’t care that you come over all the time?” Kakashi asked after a moment, looking just a little worried. His student just laughed and looped her arm through his, shaking her head at the ridiculous question.

“How many times are you going to ask me that before you realize that she’s fine with it? Come on, Kaka-sensei, we have this conversation every time she answers the door. You need to unwind after a mission and who else can you ask?”

The jounin’s expression softened back into a smile, and he also shook his head. “You’re right. Sorry.” They reached the stairs of Kakashi’s apartment complex and Kakashi urged his student up while he followed her, He was very protective of his students, Sakura especially, and always took the back of any formation his team was in so he could watch them and make sure nothing happened. Even in their village, Kakashi wasn’t sure that someone would drop by and snatch up one of his precious teenagers, so he preferred following them than leading.

Tilting his head, Iruka thought about what he had heard thus far from what parts of the conversation he had heard. Deactivating the chakra from his ears, Iruka contemplated if he wanted to play the fly on the wall. Something about the conversation just sparked his curiosity. Sakura wasn’t the type to play fast and loose so the odds of Kakashi’s unwinding being something sexual was unlikely. Then the way that Sakura had answered Kakashi’s questions made Iruka thoughtful to if this was a ritual of some sort.

Decision made, Iruka waited until the coast was clear before scaling the way of the apartment building and setting himself in position under one of the windows. Careful not to set off anything in the wards Iruka sent chakra to his ears and listened again.

Leaving Sakura in the kitchen, Kakashi headed toward his bathroom, pulling off his shirt before he even cleared the doorway. The teenager, used to it by now, just whistled, and Kakashi laughed. He much preferred the confident girl Sakura was now than the blushing, stammering girl she used to be, when he had first told her his secret. Now, he could walk around his house in just a pair of comfortably worn pajama pants without worrying about her fainting from the sheer amount of blood in her face from blushing.

“I’d say wait at least a half an hour before starting dinner,” he called to her from behind the partially-closed bathroom door, dumping the rest of his clothes in a hamper and starting to fill the tub with steamy water. “I plan on enjoying every minute of this!” When Sakura called back an affirmative, he sank into the water with a content sigh, reclining his head and closing his eyes. The hot water felt heavenly to his sore muscles.

Feeling a bit like a peeping tom for what he was about to do, Iruka lifted his head up and did a quick peek through the window. Then blushing wildly he ducked his head back down. Seeing Kakashi surrounded by pink bubbles seemingly luxuriating in his tub made Iruka feel a bit dizzy. Particularly since the man appeared to have a slew of beauty products resting on his bathroom shelves. Not sure what to make of this all, Iruka retreated back to higher ground so he could think. He currently didn’t want another visual. Heaven forbid, he saw something that caused him to pass out from a nosebleed.

Leaning against one of the adjacent buildings Iruka tried to figure out what it all meant. In his life Iruka had never seen someone with so many beauty products. Most of the women he had dated hadn’t had nearly as many. Thinking on it maybe Kakashi just liked to be pampered. He was one of the strongest ninja in the Fire Country and went on some of the most dangerous missions imaginable. He deserved pampering. Biting his lip, Iruka found himself now more curious than ever about Kakashi. What else did he do? Were there other rituals that he partook in. Iruka knew for a fact that Kakashi only spent an hour a day at most at the memorial stone. Normally he was three hours late. So were those other two hours devoted to maintenance of a different sort? Shaking himself, Iruka realized that a chunk of time had passed and he slowly crept back to the apartment.

By then, Kakashi had dragged himself from the water and turned on his showerhead, washing the mission filth off thoroughly, before toweling off and wrapping one towel around his waist while another was draped around his shoulders. He wandered from the bathroom to his bedroom, rubbing half heartedly at his hair in an attempt to dry it without having to break out the blow-dryer.“Sensei, food’s almost ready!” Sakura called, and Kakashi blinked in surprise. He’d honestly forgotten she was there, what with his very relaxing soak in the tub. After yelling back an answer, Kakashi pulled on a pair of pajama pants and dropped both towels into his hamper, promising himself that he’d do laundry in the morning. He glanced at himself in the mirror once before nodding and heading back to the kitchen, inhaling deeply.

“Smells amazing as always, Sakura-chan,” he said warmly, smiling at her and peering over her shoulder at what was on the stove.

Smelling whatever Sakura had cooked had Iruka’s stomach rumbling. Idly he looked around the bathroom and noted that some containers were almost empty while others looked to have only been used once. Taking out a pen and paper, Iruka noted that Kakashi seemed to favor vanilla butter and more soothing scent combinations like mint and lavender. Nature smells as opposed to chemical smells. Those products looked to be the most used. Everything appeared to be meticulously organized.

After he had finished cataloguing Iruka shifted over to the living room window and luckily he could hear clearly the talk going on. An added bonus was he was hidden by a tree. Taking a bit of time to rest, Iruka soon found himself blushing as he listened to what could only be called girl talk. A quick glance over the window sill showed the two ninja having finished dinner and lounging. Kakashi had created a clone who was cleaning up the dishes.

On the coffee table sat what looked to be a complete manicure station. Feeling a little poleaxed Iruka just vowed to listen a little longer and then he would leave. The conversation then turned to men. Iruka decided that he was going to hear this entire conversation if it killed him.

Kakashi chuckled as Sakura recounted the tales of her various dates with her age group, each one making his smile grow more and more. Sai was still dealing with his new knowledge of emotions, but dating was clearly out of his range. Sure, the nice restaurant had been a good idea, but everything had gone downhill afterward. Shikamaru was far too lazy and unmotivated to even make plans, Chouji far too shy and quiet, and.. Kakashi nearly burst out laughing when Sakura mentioned her disastrous date with Kiba. ‘Poor girl!’ he thought, shaking his head.

“You need a real man, Sakura. Not these boys you’ve been dating. Come on, surely you’ve got your eye on someone older?” he asked slyly, winking at his young friend.

“Please, so you can go try to convince them to take me out? Don’t even think about it, Sensei.”

“Come on, Izumo was nice! You shouldn’t have turned him down, you know. Now Gen’s thinking about moving in on you.”

Sakura put up her hands, shaking them in a ‘no way’ gesture. “Genma’s all yours!”

Mentally Iruka shrieked, ‘Izumo and Sakura! Anyone could tell that wasn’t going to work. Wait what the hell did she mean Genma?’ Tilting his head a bit, Iruka willed himself into contention. Surely he would get brought up. ‘Oh please be willing to date a chuunin. I give good massages and would spoil you rotten.’ It was at this point Iruka realized that he was more than likely going to have to make himself stand out more to get himself in contention. Belatedly he heard Sakura talking about the ideal guy and asking Kakashi about his preference.

The jounin hummed thoughtfully, scratching idly at his chin. “I dunno, Sakura. I guess… someone I can count on, and trust. But I love my space, you know that. Which eliminates Gai instantly, and don’t you dare say you weren’t thinking it.” He shot the girl a glare when she giggled sheepishly. “It’s hard to think about this when you’re having weird thoughts about me and Gai. Just… no. Haven’t you figured out by now that all jounin are basically crazy in some way? I don’t need another heap of crazy.”

“So forget jounin. There’s gotta be like a ton of chuunin that want you, right?”

“Please. Most of them are so scared of my reputation that they barely look me in the eye. Only one has a history of actually getting up in my face and yelling at me for being an insufferable asshole, and I’m fairly certain he doesn’t like me for that very reason.”

Sakura laughed, and nodded. “Yeah, I can’t imagine an Iruka-sensei who was scared to yell at idiot jounin for being late and not turning in proper reports. But he’s cute, huh?”

“Hearing my precious young student talk about a man at least 10 years her senior is not going to make me happy, Sakura. It’s okay if I decide he’s good enough for you, but its weird to hear you say stuff like that.”

Iruka almost fell off the building. ‘I have a chance!’ If he weren’t in stealth mode right now he would be hopping up and down in joy. Then a sobering thought sent him crashing down to the ground. He realized that if he wanted Kakashi’s attention it was going to be an uphill battle all the way. Then the rest of the conversation filtered through his head and Iruka thought to himself. ‘Did Kakashi have a problem with him being older than Sakura or did he just not want the competition or was it something else.’

“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you about the rumors that he stares at you longingly when he thinks no one is looking.” Sakura replied, studying her nails thoughtfully and trying to appear nonchalant. “Besides I don’t think Iruka sensei would see me as anything but his student. Now you on the other hand if the rumors are true...”

For a moment, Iruka forgot to breath. ‘Damnit. I thought I was discreet about that!’ Willing his heart rate to slow down, Iruka listened closely again.

“You do realize that most of the shinobi population thrives on gossip, right?” Kakashi asked with a sigh, reclining his head on the arm of his couch. “Even if the rumors were true, which is very unlikely, it probably just means he wants in my pants.” When Sakura stammered and blushed at the image that most likely conjured in her mind, Kakashi just shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “Come on, I’m Hatake Kakashi. Most people want me as a trophy to hang on their arm, not… not as me. And I’m paranoid that anyone I may be interested in is going to be the same way.”

He chuckled somberly. “I have you and Gen, and I’m fine with that. Sure, Gen doesn’t pamper me quite like you do, but he’s good for other things. Like that night at the bar, when he tossed out that handsy guy? Sweetest thing anyone ever did for me.”

“What’s your point, Sensei?”

“I don’t trust people, Sakura. There are very few exceptions, and I’m not going to make the mistake of trusting the wrong person now.”

“Hhhmmm so you don’t trust the man that is Naruto’s surrogate dad?” Sakura mused and shrugged. “I can’t imagine Iruka sensei being untrustworthy but to each their own.” Shrugging Sakura considered Genma for a few minutes before commenting with a sudden burst of insight. “Sensei, why do you turn in your reports the way you do if you don’t want Iruka to pay you attention?”

Meanwhile Iruka was making a list of what he needed to do and examined his reasonings. He really liked Kakashi and it more had to do with observations than the actual first impression. Underneath the underneath was exactly how one went about reading Kakashi.

Behind his book, Kakashi had a screen to observe everything without seemingly paying attention. His slouching posture could be turned into a fighting stance seconds before others with better posture could. The ever present mask was part way to hide and part ingenious disguise because when it was removed few knew what Kakashi looked like. What better way to hide? If someone was always looking for a select trait to find you, removing it made you even harder to locate. Thinking fondly of when Naruto removed his orange jumpsuit in order to effectively hide from people.

Stopping his analysis and planning for a moment, Iruka tuned back into the conversation again. He always wondered why Kakashi turned in his reports the way he did and now he would finally have an answer.

Kakashi just laughed, glancing up at her. “Would you believe me at all if I say he’s absolutely adorable when he’s furious?” He laughed again, probably at the expression on his student’s face. “Have you ever known me for pushing someone’s buttons just to piss them off? No? Because I don’t. Usually it’s to benefit me… and having a chuunin academy teacher yell at you is quite amusing. Besides, it makes me feel like I’m just a normal guy, instead of this oh-so-scary legend, because I’m getting scolded like a child in the academy. Talk about a great feeling.”

He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, mostly to get the still-damp silver strands out of his eyes. “You only yell at me for being late because you know the man under the mask. Same with mine and Genma’s friendship. But Iruka barely speaks to me outside of the mission room, and he treats me the same way you two do. It’s exhilarating.”

“Spoken like someone who has never gotten really scolded by Iruka sensei or seen ‘that’ jutsu.” Shaking her head and shivering slightly Sakura smiled. “You should see him scalding shisou. It is hysterical. He once set it up so that all of her sake tasted like ink until she got back on top of her paperwork. No one could figure out how he did it.”

Blushing heavily Iruka realized it was nice to be appreciated. Thinking back to the trick he had pulled with the sake, Iruka grimaced. Shizune had more than once tried to get him to do the same trick to get the Hokage caught up on her paperwork but Iruka had cut a deal. Tsunade never gave him grief about the fact that he oogled Kakashi regularly and Iruka didn’t mess with her sake supply.

“I wonder what Iruka sensei would be like in bed with that hot temper of his?” Sakura mused. “Not that I won’t admit to wondering the same thing about Naruto but Neji pretty much confirmed that Naruto turns into a wrathful sex god when angry. Do you think it is genetic?” Grinning slightly Sakura stuck her tongue between her teeth before giggling.

Iruka fell off the wall and just managed to land on his feet. Glancing around quickly, Iruka shuttled back up the wall determined to hear what the response was.

“That all pranksters are the best people to sleep with when they’re pissed? We’d have to test that theory, Sakura,” Kakashi said, laughing harder. He didn’t truly want to think about what the both of them were talking about, mostly because he didn’t want to imagine it. He’d already had both a bath and a shower, and he wasn’t looking forward to a very cold shower, which would be in his future if he allowed his thoughts to wander in that direction.

“But hey, let’s not completely murder my brain with the images of my other precious student having sex. I’m going to start feeling like a pedophile, with you teenagers talking freely about your sex lives and me being… well, me.” He shuddered, doing his very best to shake out images of the blonde and the Hyuuga doing unspeakable things to each other.

“I don’t know if I tried to test that theory with either of the two most prominent pranksters. Survival would be an issue. I can’t see Iruka sensei doing more than patting me on the head. Neji would kill me. It would be over fast. Even if Naruto loves me like a sister.” Sakura was holding her stomach and cracking up. “Do you know what Neji said that one time he came out to dinner with everybody but Naruto had a mission. He said everyone should be grateful that he helps work off Naruto’s prankster energy productively.You are not a pedophile at all just a sexually deprived romantic.”

For the first time in a while, Iruka had the feeling that maybe he could get Kakashi’s attention after all. If he was a romantic like Sakura suggested then Iruka was going to have to adjust his list of things to do to include a romantic approach. It also sounded like with a little prodding and an introduction to Lee’s off duty attire, Sakura may find what it seemed like she wanted.

Like Kakashi’s mask and Naruto’s orange jumpsuit, Lee’s spandex and leg warmers were just another disguise. Iruka himself had almost not recognized the taijutsu specialist while he was out grocery shopping that day. Lee had been casual dressed in cargo shorts, black shinobi sandals and a t-shirt with his hitate around his arm. The bowl cut was mussed as well. If Lee were gay and older it would have been a problem. Luckily for him, Lee and he were now close enough following the run in that Lee and Naruto regular hung out with him in just regular clothes.

“Ugh, what a horrible image! Working off Naruto’s prankster energy productively? More like Naruto’s corrupted the poor guy into thinking that, because he still tries to prank me!” Kakashi groaned and covered his face in his hands, whimpering for good measure. It was part acting, part truth, and part ‘she did not just call me a sexually deprived romantic’. “I’m never going to be able to face Neji again! And certainly not Gai, oh no, now that I’ve got the image of one of his students in my head with one of mine, going at it like rabbits! Ugh, no, image!”

But then, Kakashi’s head shot up, and he fixed his student with a glare cold enough to freeze fire. “If I hear you’re going out and doing things before I approve of your partner, he isn’t going to last long,” he said warningly, but Sakura just brushed it off and laughed. The threat was an old one, and she always promised that her potential partner would pass Kakashi’s Tests of Approval before anything could go down in the physical department.
“You’re still my precious student, and he’s got to prove that he’s good enough for you. No exceptions. I am your teacher, and my word is law,” she said, giggling, just as he opened his mouth to say the exact same thing.

Iruka couldn’t help but giggle. It sounded ridiculous but it was a totally Kakashi rule. Three parts hard ass with one part good intentions. Having no doubt that Lee would pass the test with flying colors, Iruka mentally categorized what he needed to get done in order to be effective with his plans.

Deciding for the moment to chose the role of secret admirer for Kakashi while working his way into Sakura’s good graces. Setting her up with Lee would take some finagling but all she had to convince her of was that Lee didn’t act the way he did in public in private. A few examples may work wonders. Not to mention bribery. Yep Iruka could bribe with the best of them.

“The same applies for you. Any man after you is going to face a strident approval process.” Flipping her hair over her shoulder Sakura smiled. “They also have to be able to beat Naruto and I in a spar. We can’t have you not being challenged regularly. You need a manly man of a sort.”

“Fine. It’s a deal.” He held out his hand, waiting until the pink-haired girl shook it firmly before he chuckled and sank back into the couch. “While we’re on the subject, let’s never talk about Naruto and Neji’s sex life ever again… or yours, when you find that guy you feel like sleeping with. I do not need those images in my brain.”

After all, he gave his students the same courtesy, never mentioning any sexcapades or even any partners to them… well, not until Sakura had blatantly asked about his and Genma’s ‘friendship’. It had been awkward enough, just knowing that his young, impressionable pupil had guessed that something else was going on, but having to explain that there was nothing but friendship between the two despite them sleeping together on occasion? Oh dear lord, Kakashi still cringed when thinking about that conversation, even though he and Genma had agreed that they were now just friends, with no benefits involved. It freed both of them up in case one found an actual significant other.

“You’re thinking about you and Genma again, aren’t you?”

“There’s nothing there anymore!” he said quickly, holding his hands up in a defensive gesture.

“But Naruto and Neji’s sex life hilarious!” Sakura argued grinning teasingly. “Hinata pops popcorn and watches occasionally. Oh fine no Naruto/Neji sex life and I will keep mine under wraps unless I need advice.”

“Oh I know you and Genma are kaput. He and Raidou had been dancing around each other. The gossip goes that Iruka sensei got so irritated with the way the two acted he locked them in a sealed closet until they worked out their feelings.” Sakura couldn’t help laughing at the memory. “Unfortunately for them it was a closet where they could clearly be heard. Luckily for them Iruka smacked a silencing seal on the door once it became apparent that they were working things out.”

Grinning despite himself Iruka had to admit that it was one of his better ideas. Though he ended up sparring with Raidou later to make it up to the man who had been embarrassed. Iruka’s ribs had been bruised for weeks and still ached with it rained sometimes. Though he had been satisfied that he had proven he could hold his own with a naginata.

Kakashi hmmed thoughtfully. “Genma’s lucky to have a guy like Raidou. He needed someone like that, and I couldn’t offer it.” A warm smile spread over his face at the thought of one of his closest friends finding someone who made him happy… who Kakashi was positive he could trust with Genma’s heart. If not… well, Kakashi and Gai made for wonderful bodyguards, and few had been brave enough to fight the two jounin while they were angry enough.

“As much as I loathe bringing it up, just because he’s him… what do you think about Gai? Surely there’s been some rumors going around about him lately… even I’ve noticed that people have been looking at him more strangely than usual, and I know far better than to just ask him. What are the gossip vines growing lately about my Eternal Rival?”

Dimpling Sakura stood up and dance crazily for a minute seeming to release a lot of energy. “Oh you won’t believe it when I tell you.” Flopping back on the couch, Sakura leaned forward conspiringly.

“He is reportedly been seeing both Anko AND Ibiki!” Smiling widely and nodding.

“Apparently Anko and Ibiki were both in a horrible mood and insulted Gai well you know his temper.” Grinning despite herself Sakura continued. “He thought they were so un youthful he...” Then Sakura collapsed into uncontrollable giggles. “Gai tied them both up and spanked them for a traditional punishment. Who knew their was a shibari jutsu I tell you? Afterwards he released them both and you know they wanted payback. Apparently they have all been trying to oneup each other since. No one really would go after Ibiki and Anko normally but well you know Gai is single minded.”

“Okay, you’ve done it. You’ve successfully broken my brain,” Kakashi said weakly, feeling the blood drain from his face at the mere thought of Gai, Anko, and Ibiki. Alone, the three were worrying enough, but together?

“How long has this been going on?” he wondered aloud, staring blankly at his giggling student. “I mean, I know I’ve been on a mission for the past week, but I feel like I’ve been gone far longer than 7 days now! Gai’s finally gotten ahead of me, having two different lovers, while I’m haven’t even got one! I’ve walked into a messed up Konoha, I’ll tell you that right now!”

“Don’t worry it has only be a couple of weeks that I know of. Though gossip on Anko and Ibiki is generally slow to circulate because of well...you know how they are.” Sakura commented thoughtfully. “I am positive your prince charming is going to appear sooner rather than later. At least I hope I get one too. It is no fun not having a boyfriend when everyone else gets to compare notes.” Pouting lightly Sakura went back to the task at hand of giving a nice manicure.

Having heard enough, Iruka set off through Konoha. Once he was at home he made a list. Then Iruka went to see Naruto. He knew he needed Naruto’s approval first if only because there would be hell to pay otherwise.


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It figures that the weekend I go away this get posted lol. Yeah I'm loving Iruka's plotting to get Kakashi. The bond between Kakashi and Sakura was just how I pictured it and I'm glad you got in the relationship with Genma.

This is great really it is. I love how you're showing Iruka's physical and deductive skills as a ninja too. Hope to see more of Kakashi and his secret quirks and how Iruka reacts to them. I'm really glad you picked this up. Great work so far.

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